Let me
I cannot and dare not lay any claim
to your suffering and pain
I would be a fool
and a narcissist to do so
And those who accuse me
of doing just that
have more than likely been conditioned
or condition themselves continually
to be incapable of feeling
understanding
or sympathising
and empathising
with anything much at all
Some might call it emotional appropriation
or even emotional
hijacking
on my part
But all I can truly claim as my own
is my frustration and infuriation
at bearing witness to your pain
suffering
and desperation
Blatantly knowing
and unwillingly acknowledging
that I have no power
to put an immediate end to any of it
Some might call it empathy
sensitivity
or even intuition
While your every cell
is automatically programmed
since conception
to be radically steadfast and simply carry on
even though fires are burning within you
And while I know that you are not denying and suppressing your inner turmoil like my people have
for generations
and still do
You are simply choosing to harness
and direct yours differently
Please, allow me to be so bold
as to take at least
a minute fraction
of what you are feeling inside
and experiencing
behind your bravest smiles of resistance
and postures of defiance
Allow me to channel that minute fraction of your outwardly obfuscated emotions through my very own cellular mechanism
Allow me to – perhaps only occasionally and privately –
wretch and roar
and break random objects
in pure and utter anger
Please don’t hit me with the tropes of “There is strength in serenity” or
“Stay calm; don’t let them get to you.”
Bear witness to my rivers of tears
Don’t hold them against me
although I know you won’t
In a world where the powers that be
and the marketeers preach
peacemaking
mindfulness
self-understanding
self-care
and emotional intelligence
but demonise and repress our emotions when the world is anything but
peaceful
due to their very own greedy
and power-hungry meddling
Don’t you, of all people, deny me my tears
Don’t help me dry them too quickly
Bear witness to them
like I bear witness
to your rivers of invisible ones
They are all I have at times
To keep me from losing my mind
And remind me of what I know to be true
That I am flesh and blood
If anything
let me do that trad-Catholic thing
Let me apply that method
that makes sense to me now;
that works in this context
but is utterly nonsensical
and even deranged in others
Let me offer my tears up –
to Allah, your martyrs, whoever you wish
Only you can decide,
I cannot dictate for whom they are intended
Even if it achieves nothing
but selfishly relieving me
even somewhat – and ephemerally –
of what I am feeling
at any given moment
Even if you give my tears
no particular destination
no other route than the one they take
as they stream down my reddening face
to then soak my sleeves
the ground
a handkerchief
Permit, please don’t dismiss them
Please allow them to invite you to be drawn away
even if only for a moment
from your internal ones
If anything, just let me cry for you
If anything, just le me cry
Just let me cry
Just let me
Let me
My body, soul and tears will do so happily
AN FRAOCH 